In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

~1 John 4:10

I recall a conversation that I had with one of my best friends over lunch a few years back in the Spring of 2007.  I doubt that he remembers that day – but I do, for something that he said during that meal had a lasting impact on my perspective and amibitions in life as a Christian.  Somewhere toward the end of our conversation concerning how and why we do the things that we do, he said the something like the following:

“People always admire guys like Jonathan Edwards, who did amazing things in their lives for God.  I don’t want to be remembered as one of them – I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who was so great at this and so great at that, and who accomplished this and that.  I want people to look at my life and see how I made so many mistakes, so that they may see how God was so gracious to me.  I want people to look at my life and see not how good I am, but how gracious and faithful God was to a sinner.  It’s all about His grace.”

So many times, we find ourselves engaged in conversations concerning the topic of what we want to be remembered for when we die.  “What kind of eulogy do you want to have?” we ask.  “What kind of legacy do you want to leave?” we ask again.  So often, the answers boil down to Christian quotables as, “I want people to remember me as the man who loved God and was steadfast in his faith through the most difficult of trials.”  An admirable statement it is, without a doubt; there is much good with this desire.  But I realized that the life that shines the excellencies of Christ even more brightly than the one just mentioned is the one lived by the man who people remember not as the man who loved God, but as the man whom God loved.

“In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.”  It is a striking statement by the Spirit who was sent to glorify Christ over man – a truth that would shock any selfishly ambitious man to utter humility, a statement that would humble even the self-righteous and the proud to their knees before the Savior.  No matter how hard a man may strive to love Christ, he will never do so perfectly for as long as he remains on earth.  If one were to seek to be remembered ultimately for how much he loved god, he would lead his observers and followers astray, for their hope would lie in something that wasn’t worthy of heaven.  What kind of a life, then, will spark the lamp in this dark world?  What kind of a life, then, would most inspire struggling soldiers to fight the fight and inspire tired runners to run the race?  It is none but the life that exalts God’s love over man’s.  Look at the apostle Paul himself?  Did he seek to promote his apostolic accomplishments?  Oh how he called himself the least of them!  Did he seek to promote his superb leadership over the Gentile churches?  Oh how he called himself the chief of sinners!  Did he seek to promote the steadfastness of his spiritual growth?  Was it not he who cried, “Wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?”  The great apostle to the Gentiles was eager and resolved to remind those who followed him that his was life was merely the vessel in which the patience of God was perfectly manifested.

How easy it is to want people to remember me as the man who worked as hard as an draft horse.  How easy it is to want people to remember me as the soldier who tenaciously persevered under the most intensely afflicting of spiritual battles and most refining of trials – who skillfully and courageously darted Satan’s bullets with eyes fixed on the Savior.  Oh how easy it is to want to be remembered as the man who was no fool in giving up what he could not keep to gain what he would not lose.  Oh how easy it is to want to be remembered as the man of uncompromised worship, as the man who ran hard after God’s own heart, and as the man who loved Christ with his entire being.  Oh, how easy it is for my soul to seek after the pride of life coated in spiritual sugar!  Yet, how much better to be remembered as this: as the man who, although he was a sinner who fell completely short of the glory of God, Christ loved and delivered Himself up for, was sanctified by the Spirit, and was taken up to heaven to fellowship with his Creator for eternity!  Many would be temporarily inspired upon knowing how much I love God.  But they will only be eternally impacted once they understand how much God loves me.

SOLDIERS, STAY ALERT!

⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, ⁷ casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you. ⁸ Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. ⁹ But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.

~1 Peter 5:6-9

I thought I had him down – I thought I had things figured out.  Having just preached a sermon on the necessity to stay sober-minded and three other sermons on how soldiers of Christ were to victoriously battle the enemy, I drove down Palomar mountain from our annual youth retreat feeling as if I had conquered Satan and his demons – convinced that they would never be able to torment me again.  And then it happened.  For some strange reason, upon arriving back home, it hit.  Thoughts of loneliness began to seep into my brain, and feelings of depression began to plague my heart.  From good conscience, there was nothing that I had done in the recent past to set myself up for the struggle.  Had I not been seeking communion with the Lord passionately in quiet times?  Had I not been seeking to shepherd and serve His flock sacrificially and compassionately?  Had I not surrounded myself with His Word?  Was I not growing?  Was I not maturing?  What had I done to cause this sudden struggle?  What had I done to set myself up for these thoughts to be injected into the core of my heart?  Only later did I realize that it may have been my very diligence in seeking to the love the Lord and His people that enraged the Enemy – prompting him to launch a relentless attack in an attempt to stop another man from becoming a warrior of the Christ he so hates.

I thought I had rid myself of him again.  I was now at the Master’s College for a week-long summer session of biblical counseling classes.  Away from the pressures of mininistry and immersed in a serene environment surrounded by God’s beautiful creation, I was in the perfect place to do some much-needed self-examination and receive much-needed feeing from God’s Word.  As I methodically probed my heart of the internal sins that had plagued my flesh and diligently sought wisdom and guidance to put off the old self and put on the new self, I seemed to be running with a spiritual vigor that almost seemed unreal.  So eager I was to let go of my sinful habits and so resolved was I to discipline myself for newer habits.  But just when it seemed almost too good of an experience to be true, he struck again.  Thoughts and temptations that I had not struggled with in the past all of a sudden began to seep into my brain, confusing my soul into a frenzied panic.  It was not my flesh – for the evil thoughts and desires that my flesh had never habitually struggled with were all of a sudden persistent.  I recalled the same thing happening the year before, when I was in a similar situation.  Knowing how beneficial being at the college could be for my spiritual growth, Satan launched another attack.  I figured he would do everything to attempt to distract me from classes, from the Word, and from the Savior.  Only this time, as I realized that it was from him, I stood firm.

So often, Satan is treated as a thought or scare tactic, or even simply an idea to motivate a believer to do good things.  It’s just what he wants.  A liar from the beginning, Satan is a the great deceiver who clouds people’s minds concerning the truth – including the truth about himself.  How he must love it when we do not know who he is or what he is capable of, so as to let down our guard and walk our walks with nothing more than a lackadaisical attitude.  Oh how he does not want believers to know that he is extremely powerful, vicious, and ever so hateful of the soldiers of Christ – particularly the good soldiers.  Relentless and cunning, he prowls around with eyes focused on the sheep of the Good Shepherd, looking for every opportunity to devour both the weak and the strong.  Ever so vigilant, he does not stop.  Flee he might after some initial resistant, only wait for a more opportune time to attack.  He may have fled from Christ in the desert, but he never gave up – battling the Savior till the moment of His death, knowing that the latter would soon crush his head.  Satan hates Jesus, and certainly hates those who follow him.  How long must you realize, dear friend, that the strength of your commitment to Christ and His kingdom is directly related to the resistance that Satan and his demons will put up against you.  The more endurance you gain through much perseverance, the more persistent he becomes in attacking.  The more wisdom you gain from the Scriptures, the more shrewd his techniques become in leading you astray.  The more united you become with your fellow brothers in the church, the more insistent he becomes on using the your sinful desires to set you against your brothers.

Brothers, take heed.  Stay sober.  For he prowls around like a roaring lion, waiting for someone to devour.  Don’t dwell on him, but don’t forget him either.  Watch out for pride in your heart and confidence in your flesh, for alone before him you are a helpless sheep before a hungry lion.  But when he attacks, faithfully stand your ground, and he will flee from you – though remain on guard for his return.  Stay close to the Word, for it frenzies the Enemy to see his targets immersed in the only source of truth that can exose his subtle lies.  Love the household of God, for he is incapable of stirring up the flesh in the soil of sacrificial hearts.  Remember the gospel, for as relentless as his accusations are, Satan is incapable of launching accusations against someone for whom the blood of Christ covers.  Humble yourself before the mighty hand of God.  Run to Him and pray unceasingly to Him, for nothing is more alarming to this save and powerful Enemy than seeing his targets summoning the power of the One who can and will destroy him.

For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much”

~Luke 7:47

As I was preparing a message for a Bible study on this passage, I found myself overcome with emotion.  A feeling of exhiliration coupled with a true sense of sadness.  My soul’s desire to shout was simultaneous with my eyes’ desire to tear.  With the dancing of my soul overtaking my body, I could no longer sit still in my office desk, and so I went to the church sanctuary and started singing a praise song that had been frequently played in my old home church – “What the Lord Has Done In Me” – not to practice my vocals or even to attempt to please God, but rather as an expression of emotional rejoicing that I was experiencing that moment in my otherwise broken heart.

The last few weeks I had spent wallowing in doucragement due to my further realization of the presence of sin in my life.  As much as I’ve wanted to please Jesus and walk in holiness under the influence of the Spirit, I found myself doing those things that I know I do not want to do.  My ever-increaasing desire to do good coupled by the ever-present reality of my sinful nature had led me into much sadness, over which I chose to feel discouraged and despair.  I began to question the nature of my faith, and began to doubt the integrity of my walk; looking at the mirror could no longer be done with pride.  I realized then, that out of my pride, I was attempting to earn God’s love rather than receive it.  I was attempting to compete with it rather than to be compelled by it.  I had turned it into a burden-bearer, rather than running to it as a burden-lifter.  Oh how I wanted to please God, but alongside a competing desire to gratify my pride rather than exalt His person in my life.

I found myself both puzzled and doubting; how could such a sinner like me ever find a way to look at the face of God again and experience joy?  How could I ever look at Jesus in all his holiness, look at myself in all my sinfulness, and ever shout praises again?  Undewrstanding just how incapable I am in myself of doing good and how much my flesh succumbs to evil, how would I ever again be motivated to serve Him and His people?

“Her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much.”  Oh, what a joyous truth about the truly regenerate.  Oh what a glorious reality concerning those who truly love Jesus.  How those who truly love God are those who truly understand God’s love for them.  Friend, how then can you understand the magnitude of the love of Jesus if one does not understand the radical nature of His forgiveness?  And how will you understand the forgiveness of Jesus without first knowing the wretched reality of your depravity?  It is only the that you will know His grace in forgiving you, even when you rejected Him.  It is then that your eyes that once glared at Him with pride will gush tears of sorrow.  It is then that your mouth that once spit at His face will kiss Him instead.  It is then that your hands that once slapped His face will annoint his feet with oil instead.  Oh sinner, know that you have sinned and know that you are forgiven – then you will love much!

The realization of my sin, oh how God allows it and allows it frequently – not so that I reject Him but so that I may embrace Him.  May the Spirit of God strip me of my pride and cultivate that oh so sweet fruit of humility.  for the proud, when confromted with their sin, insist that it is not true.  But the humble, when confronted with their sin, hunger and thierst for their Savior.  Oh how God opened my eyes further to my sins, that my soul may pant for His Son.  It is then that, when I am brought to Him, that the embrace becomes tighter, and the kisses so much sweeter.  Oh, only when my soul understands its wretchedness can it sing, “My Jesus I love Thee.”  Only then can I know Jesus as Redeemer, and only then can I glory in Him.  For when my soul knows me as a wretched sinner, it looks at Jesus and sings, “Beautiful Savior!”

My friend, he who is forgiven much loves much!

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.

~Matthew 11:28-30

As he embraced me right before his departure for a missions trip, my pastor looked at me and, in the most gentle of exhortations, said, “Promise me you’ll get some rest.”  It was an unusual charge for one to give to a protégé; in this situation, most would have expected him to say something like, “Be strong,” or “fight hard.”  After all, didn’t Paul do the same to Timothy, upon awaiting his death?  “Suffer with me as a good soldier of Jesus Christ!  Preach the word, in season and out of season!  Endure suffering!  Fulfill your ministry!”  Many would have thought that, upon leaving the country for two weeks, he would remind his younger pupil to continue to run hard and not stop.  But, there he said it…”get some rest.”  I looked him in the eye and nodded.  In light of the what things had been like the previous few weeks, he could have given a more timely and appropriate charge to me.

I had felt the pressure slowly building, but I took too much pride in my independence.  Life was as busy as it had ever been, and it was beginning to become burdensome.  Summer school demanded a 260 mile commute from Monday to Friday.  At home, I found myself running and driving from place to place – having packed my week with meetings with several church members.  All the while, I had embraced my role as a youth pastor, and began to take shepherding more seriously than I ever had.  In the midst of that was the striving to be a solid, godly leader to my fiancé – and insisted that I carry her burdens while she not carry mine.  On top of all this was the self-inflicted pressure of pursuing holiness for both my sake and for the sake of the church – such that my example be worth following.  What had happened to the freedom that I was supposed to experience in the Spirit?  Slowly but surely, I began to feel the weight of the self-inflicted pressure to perform and please.  Intimidated by the critical eyes watching and burdened by those who sought to emulate me, I began to feel the daily burden of those whom I loved.  Leadership went from being a privilege to a burden.  “Persevere!  Fight and wield your sword as a good soldier of Christ!” I would tell myself, trying to inspire myself to push through and carry these burdens alone – all the while too proud to ask for help or to admit that I could not carry them.

The problem was simply this – I was not capable of carrying them.  Simply put, I was not good enough.  I so badly wanted to be; oh the pride that had overtaken me.  The desire to show all those around me that I was strong was more than challenged by the reality of my inherent weakness and inability to withstand the pressures.  As much as I desired to do the right thing and to carry the weight of those around me, I did not have enough strength in me.  One night, as my fiancé and I sat in front of our pastor and his wife, I lost it.  As the clock ticked towards midnight, nearly two hours after we had started talking, I looked at all of them, explained that I had been spiritually fatigued, and completely broken down in tears.  It was almost tragic, as my desire to be strong resulted in a shattered soul that could no longer bear the weight of his life.  Lacking the words to explain the emotional pain and discouragement my heart was wrestling with, I simply cried more.  For at that point, tears seems to be my only answer to the hardships of life.  With no leg strength to run, and no courage to fight, I sat there as a wounded warrior, wondering if the battle was still worth fighting.

How comforting it was, then, when the Spirit of Christ repeated His words to my heart that next morning: “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  Having been trapped into a self-deceived legalism that had led me to attempt to please those around me through trying to accomplish something I was not capable of on my own, I realized that the only thing left to do was to run to my Savior.  Tears welled again – only this time not from the weight of pressure, but from its removal.  All those burdens on such young and inexperienced shoulders taken off.  Mixed with emotions of shame, relief, and joy, I prayed a simple prayer for Jesus to stay close to me and carry my burdens.  Why I had tried to carry them on my own can only be attributed to foolishness and pride, but there Jesus was – ready, willing, and able to unload the weight of life from me and load them on His own shoulders.  Understanding that He was not there to pressure me with burdens but instead to relieve me of them, my soul could feel no greater comfort.  The spiritually fatigued warrior – absolutely weary from the battle – had finally found his rest.  Fighting, yes.  But very much at rest.

Oh weary soul, run to Him, and He will give you rest.  Oh burdened soul, stop enduring the pressure alone, and seek His strength alone for aid.  May you run the race with endurance, but may you fly on His wings.  My you fight the good fight, but not on your own strength.  May you stand firm against all opposition and stay faithful throughout all of life’s trials, but continually cast your burdens on Him.  Oh weary soul, you were not meant to stay weary.  The Savior awaits you, with loving arms ready to lift off those burdens that nearly shattered your soul and take them upon Himself.  So run to Him I say…run to Him.

^NAS Mark 14:32 And they came to a place named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, “Sit here until I have prayed.” ³³ And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be very distressed and troubled. ³⁴ And He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.” ³⁵ And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground, and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. ³⁶ And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for Thee; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what Thou wilt.” ³⁷ And He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? ³⁸ “Keep watching and praying, that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” ³⁹ And again He went away and prayed, saying the same words. ⁴⁰ And again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy; and they did not know what to answer Him.

~Mark 14:32-40

It had been an incredibly joyous weekend.  Having just returned from a retreat that I had boldly termed “the best that I’d been a part of,” I sent out an e-mail to a friend explaining to him how close I was now feeling to the heart of Christ.  Having learned much from Scripture and having gained much perspective, I was experiencing a tremendous amount of genuine joy running after the heart of God.  I was a youth pastor, and was loving every minute of it.  Having resolved to run the race of faith with a fervency and a focus that disregarded all obstacles, I was pressing onward towards the prize of Christ.  Transitions were taking place left and right, and I was enjoying each and every one of them, for I saw each of them as a mark of spiritual growth and a sign of pressing to maturity.  Spiritually, I was running – and running hard.  Having persevered through the most painful trials of my life with a new-found perspective and confidence in Christ, I was ready to continue moving forward.

Then, out of nowhere, it struck.  I did not expect it, for I thought I had overcome it with the new maturity that I was riding.  But suddenly, loneliness began to creep back into my soul.  I felt it coming, and so I resorted to the previous methods I used to overcome it.  Figuring that it may be fatigue, I forced myself to get a few extra hours of sleep.  Yet, as I awoke the next day, it continued to linger.  Figuring that it may still be a physical issue, I decided to go for run – seven miles instead of the usual three.  And yet, it gained strength over me.  I grew desperate for deliverance.  Desperate, I resorted to the spiritual methods I had used to overcome similar feelings in the past, reminding myself of the psalms stating God’s continuing presence and trying to snap myself out of self-centered thinking and to instead pray for the needs of others.  By night time, my soul was in deep anguish – struggling mightily but flailing against this discouragingly ruthless enemy that had so haunted me in the past and began to haunt me once again.  I prayed, and lifted the burden to God, but a simple truth seemed to exist immovably; I was alone.

It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have friends – deep, Christ-centered relationships have been a key theme in my life.  Lack of brotherhood and company wasn’t the problem.  The problem was that in my deepest struggles, I could find no one to empathize.  The more desperate I grew, the weaker my soul started to become.  As I drove to school early in the morning the next day, desperately angry with swelling eyes, I cried once more to God for immediate deliverance – to no avail.  Not only did the loneliness sting, but it sustained.  With all my methods of escape rendered futile, I gave up all efforts of deliverance.  Experiencing the deepest anguish I had felt in a long time, tears finally began to swell – tears of pain and desperation that begged the Father for a way out.  “Father, isn’t there a way out?  Get me out of here!” I called out, only I couldn’t hear Him.  Was I deaf, or was He simply not answering?

Remembering what it was like for Him at Gethsemane – hours before His arrest and crucifixion – Jesus Christ experienced a much more painful situation.  With eleven of His twelve disciples asleep, and one of them in the process of betraying Him, I could only imagine the loneliness that Christ had experienced in light of the loss of His most intimate human companionship.  There He was in the garden, contemplating the wrath of the Father that was to be poured out on Him, with no one to sympathize or comfort Him.  It was the first time that Mark had portrayed Jesus has being troubled and distressed in His spirit; how could it be that the Son of God – the one whose face was like flint in His resolution to journey to Jerusalem in light of His predicted death for the sake of humanity – was now in such great anguish to the point of sweating what looked like drops of blood?  No one – absolutely no one – will ever understand the agony that Jesus wrestled with as He staggered before God Himself.  In a final act of desperation, with none to sympathize with Him, He turned to the Father Himself – the one who promised never to forsake His people.  What pain His soul must have felt when, upon asking for deliverance, the Father remained silent.  He begged – and begged – for an alternative.  And yet again, the Father remained silent.  Abandoned by man, and in the process of being abandoned by His own Father, Jesus Christ stood alone.  The loneliness that He faced was one that none had ever experienced before, nor will one ever experience again.  But He endured it, so that I would never have to face it.

Upon contemplating His agony in the garden, I realized that the Christian walk is indeed a road of suffering.  Christ suffered, and left for us footsteps to follow.  Thus, it’s not about escaping the suffering, but rather enduring it.  It’s not about asking Christ for deliverance from it, but rather seeking fellowship with Christ in the midst of it.  Loneliness may very well be the most formidable of enemies that I’ve yet to encounter in my Christian life.  I’ve endured through outward persecution, as well as handled internal pressures.  I’ve faced physical fatigue with gritted teeth, and clawed my way through the most puzzling of circumstances.  I’ve learned to endure suffering and trials with great patience, by virtue of the power of the Spirit.  But when loneliness has struck, my soul has often gone into its greatest state of despair.  It’s then that I realize that the gospel is not about a program or method of escape; it’s about a person.  The solution to loneliness was not sleep, exercise, nor was it simple Scripture memory.  Rather, God had allowed my soul to face it, so that I might run to Jesus – the founder and perfecter of my faith – and find solace in the reality that He faced it too, and endured.

Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.

~Nehemiah 8:10

There I was again, in an oh so familiar place – sitting on my desk at the beginning of the year, a journal in front of me and a Bible right beside me, absolutely depressed.  Not long after returning from a missions trip that had capped what had been a tremendously joyful and edifying year, I was once again facing circumstantial trials that were testing my soul’s capacity to be joyful in the Lord.  I had so often found myself in this place throughout my walk with Christ – depressed in my circumstances, and not knowing whether or not I would be able toi make it through.  This time was no different, and if anything the circumstances I was facing during that season were the toughest I’d faced in my life.  Both extremely heartbroken with losses and extremely overwhelmed with future anxieties, I simply did not understand how I would ever be able to again exhibit joy.  All I knew was this: I had felt similar depressions in the past, and God had never – not once – failed to bring me joy in the midst of the difficult circumstances.  At times, He would relieve me of the trial.  Other times, He would not.  But one thing had always been consistent in my life up to that point – He always strenthened me to exhibit true Spirit-produced joy.  And so I decided to wait on Him.  “Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord, for He has dealt bountifully with you throughout your life,” I recited to myself that night.  Not only did I ask God for joy; I believed firmly and whole-heartedly that He would bring it back to my heart.  Lo and behold; a few months later, He did.  The circumstances did not change; they only grew more difficult.  But the joy did indeed return.  That night was the first time I distinctly remember fully trusting that God would indeed bring back joy into my heart, even though I didn’t know how.  Throughout all those previous circumstances that I had experienced depression, I did not know how I would ever experience joy again, and I did not believe.  That night however, though I did not know, I believed.  And He came through.

There’s no doubt that the Christian soldier’s life is filled with struggles.  As the Commander Himself was well-acquainted with grief and stricken with suffering, so are His soldiers.  Everyone who desires to live a godly life will be persecuted; everyone who desires to follow Christ must deny Himself, take up His cross, and follow Him.  That inevitably invites sorrow into even the most steadfast of hearts.  The more one loves, the more one hurts.  The harder one runs, the more fatigued he becomes.  The more ferociously one fights, the more resistance he encounters.  Many of the great heroes of the faith struggled mightily with melancholy and depression – it is no stranger to God’s followers.  Yet, too often, we neither fight for joy nor do we trust in God to bring us joy.  It’s easy for even the most committed and faithful of followers to think that it’s in God’s will for them to remain sorrowful, and thus to never trust Him to produce genuine joy in their lives.  It’s easy for even the most steadfast of soldiers to think that joy is an impossible gain after enough experience in walking with Him.

I’m sure that God’s people felt the same way, when they were under Babylonian captivity.  Their nation was destroyed; their traditions going extinct.  Originally set apart as God’s people, they were now under the rule of another nation.  How would they ever again establish themselves as God’s holy people, after they had done what they had done?  Would God forever be angry at them?  Would He forever hold them in this state of discipline?  Would joy ever be possible again?  Not too long after, God in His sovereignty made provision for their exile, and the rebuilding of their temple.  Not long after that, He again made provisions for the rebuilding of their city walls, upon which their leader Nehemiah exhorted, “Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  Though their circumstances were bleak, and though God had sovereignty placed them under captivity, He still desired for them to experience joy, and was faithful to bringing it back to their hearts amidst such painful circumstances.

Oh how we must realize that though sorrow is a by-product of Christian living, joy is the fruit of Spirit-walking.  Always sorrowful yet always rejoicing – is this not the manner in which a Christian should walk?  God so designed it that our suffering would increase as we walk longer, for it is through suffering that character is produced.  Yet, we must take hope that in the midst of this suffering joy will be produced.  For though the intensity of suffering will increase as one matures, so will his capacity for joy in the midst of the suffering.  Remember that joy is not dependent on circumstances, but exhibited through all circumstances.  Even more, remember that it is God’s desire for His children to be joyful.  He Himself is a joyful God, and it is His joy with which He promises to fill His children’s hearts.  How wonderful it is to know that God desires joy in you and me, and is faithful to attaining that desire.

Oh how we must rely on God to bring us joy.  Though many a trial may weigh you down and cloud your understanding – tempting you to believe that there will no longer be any occasion in your life in which rejoicing is possible.  When you are in this position, stand firm in your hope that God is more than capable of producing joy in you.  And not only is He capable, but He desires it and will do it.  Oh how often does a Christian face life circumstances in which he simply does not know how the exhibition of joy will ever be possible.  Oh, how God is glorified through this, for His joy that strengthens His believers is one so supernatural that it overcomes all worldly circumstances and surpasses all human understanding.  In the midst of your most difficult circumstances, rely on God to bring you joy even when you don’t understand how it may happen.  All who have gone through more painful testing, and have been strengthened by the joy of the Lord.  Will He make His first exception with you?

Take hope and do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

~James 5:16

It’s never a surprise when I find myself having to persevere through  much hardship, both internally and externally.  A fellow pastor once said, “Anytime you choose to live a godly life, there will be resistance.”  The reality of spiritual warfare has never come down upon me so heavily as it has in the past year.  As I came back a month of being away from church, hoping that things would be better, I found that the enemy had only intensified his attacks on my life and in the lives of others.  Internally, I began to struggle with depression, anxiety, and impatience.  Externally, I realized that no amount of rest could properly gear me to face the opposition of those who persecuted me.  But that was solely the turmoil taking place in my life.  Need I forget that a same type of war was taking place in the lives of all of those around me.  As I found myself struggling in my battling of my own fleshy lusts and Satan’s attacks on me personally, I realized that those around me were struggling in very much the same way.  Not only was I burdened with my trials, but I began to be burdened with the trials of others whom I genuinely loved and cared for.  And then there was a greater reality that I faced – the reality that I was not qualified to take upon the battle in terms of my own strength, endurance, and wisdom.  I was confronted with so many situations that I knew I was incapable of handling.  In my own pride and anxiety, I wanted to solve them quickly, but soberly I realized that I simply could not.  I began to ask myself why God would place me in such situations where I felt so helpless and on the brink of quitting.  In the midst of the most difficult time of my life, why did He allow for the lives of all those around me to be difficult as well?  Desprate but drowning, I abandoned all other methods and resorted to the very first thing I did as a follower of Christ: I prayed.  I prayed again the day after, and the day after that.  It was then that it dawned on me why God has purposely made me so helpless; it was so that instead of pridefully relying on myself to solve my problems and the problems of others, I would instead approach him boldly, joyfully, confidently, reverently, and regularly in prayer.

It is not only an understatement that prayer is an underrated and misunderstood discipline in the Christian life; it is simply unfortunate.  So many go to prayer as the last resort – when things are not working.  In my life at least, the tendency had always been to try and solve the problem first with all of the wisdom and might that I had, and then to pray if things still went wrong after all of my methods were exhausted.  Though I tried to pray without ceasing, or at least adopt an attitude of prayer, I quickly realized that prayer had been designated to a mere formality – one that I did in order to legalistically prove myself a disciplined man of God.  Deep down in my heart, I still believed that I was capable of solving problem on my own, though I prayed for the sake of integrity.  I didn’t pray out of joy, nor did I pray out of humility.  Oh how unfortunate I am, and how unfortunate many are who neglect prayer, for prayer is not only necessary in the Christian life; it is the primary discipline in the Christian life.  A man who seeks God’s own heart is synonymous to a man who prays.

Oh how we must pray, for it indicates the presence of the humility that God so desires in His children.  How a lack of prayer is a fiery display of pride.  How dare one think that he can handle all spiritual circumstances and pursue all godliness without the help of God?  How dare one think that in himself, he is capable of enduring anything apart from Christ to do good works.  How dare one believe that his wisdom, he is capable of solving any problem of himself and others without the Spirit’s illumination of his mind.  It is both proud and foolish for one to even dare think that He can survive for a second apart from the pesence and power of God.  And it is even more foolish and prideful to, from the same mindset, attempt to help others.  Oh how God places us in circumstances in which we soberly comprehend our weakness so that we can petition for Him.  My friend, spiritual regeneration and sanctification are miracles; only God can perform them.  Blessed is the man who asks God to perform these things in himself and in people, for it indicates a humility of mind.  Oh how God is absolutely glorified when one relies on His power instead of anything else’s to expand His kingdom.

As Christians, we must realize that our primary responsibility to others is not to counsel, nor is it to encourage, nor is it to admonish, nor is it to serve.  As Christians, our primary ministry to others is to pray for them.  As a pastor, I could one day be called away from pastoral ministry, and thus would no longer be called to preach, teach, shepherd, or counsel.  But as a Christian, I will never be called away from the responsibility to pray for those whom I love.  In the same way that every human being must eat to stay alive physically, every Christian must pray to stay alive spiritually.  The greatest ministry that one could do for his fellow brethren who are struggling is to fervently ask God for help.  It follows that it is unloving to, when burdened with the struggles of others, attempt to handle it himself without asking God.  Brother, do not deny those whom you love the power of God.  His power is mightier than yours, His wisdom greater than yours.  Discipline yourself to rely on God, and not on your own strength, to sustain others.  Disciple yourself to rely on God, and not on your own wisdom, to counsel others.  He is greater than you; let His glory be displayed.  There are many good things that one can do for another.  But the best thing he can do is pray.

Realize the privilege of prayer; oh how much joy you will receive when you realize that God loves to answer good prayers.  If evil men know how to give good gifts to their children, how much more willing will God be to send His Holy Spirit to those who ask?  Therefore, ask!  He saved you for that purpose – He saved you so that you could pray to Him.  He hears you, and He delights in answering your prayers that glorify Him.  Pray, my friend.  Pray!  Do it delightfully; do it unceasingly.  For the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

The angel said to the woman, “Do not be afraid; for I know you are looking for Jesus who has been crucified. He is not here, for He has risen, just as He said.”

It cannot recall a more embarassing moment than one that occurred earlier this week, as I was in the locker room located in the complex in which my church is located. Resurrection Sunday happened to be a few days away, and I had been asked to perform a special song, titled “Redeemer.” And so, because of the nice echo effect that one can get when he sings in the bathroom, I began to practice with passion. I was so encaptured by the words that I was singing – “Let all creation testify, let this life within me cry that I know my Redeemer lives” – that I was oblivious to the fact that there happened to be another person in the locker room at the time. One could imagine the shock that my system experienced as the fellow walked up to me while I was singing the song at the top of my lungs – simply watching me sing. As I sheepishly excused myself while introducing what I did for a living, he told me (upon my awkardly asking him) that he was Jewish. Figuring that he was not interested in an invitation to attend our Sunday service, I politely but briskly walked left the locker room, determined never to sing there again. It was only afterwards that I realized that the words of the song I was singing were the very words that the man who was listening to me sing did not believe. We both worked at the same business complex, both enjoyed athletics (hence, are one of the few people in that complex to regularly use the locker room), and both stand as sinners before God. Inherently, there was nothing about me that was better or more worthy of acceptance before God than what was in that man. Yet, I was striving towards heaven, and he was living in the world. The main difference between the two of us was simply this: I know that Jesus lives, and he does not.

Here we are today as Christians, struggling mightily for sanctification, and waging full-on war on our sins. Here we are, as laborers in ministry and agonizing for the holiness and maturity of our fellow brothers and sisters at the expense of the pleasures of the world. With incredibly difficult weeks compounding one after the other, life as a Christians becomes more and more stretching as one continues to die for oneself at the foot of the cross. As I find myself groping for much hope while seemingly in the dark, I quite honestly come close to losing hope. Yet I realized the impactful truth behind the words of the song I was singing in the locker room: “But he’s alive and there’s an empty grave.”

I’m not called to tiol and agonize out of my own strength and reserves, nor is any Christian for that matter. Doing so is nothing short of pride. I realize that as a human being, I’m incredibly weak. We’re all incredibly. Oh how we must realize that even the greatest men of the faith were just that – men, and nothing more. Without assistance, my faith even as a pastor is weak. If the resurrection of Christ was a theory and nothing more than that, I would most surely fold in the midst of such trying circumstances and against an enemy who so deceptively challenges my belief in the gospel message. But it is no theory; it is a reality. Jesus Christ rose from the dead – He is risen! He is alive. Because of that, from hell I am spared. Because of that, towards heaven I am set. Though I am called to work and toil and fight, the outcome is already determined; victory is a surety. He’s alive; the grave is empty! From my sins I am forgiven. To Himself I will be conformed.

May all the sorrows of this world come upon my weak shoulders, yet I feel the weight of none. May all the trials and persecution spear me, yet I remain untouched. May all the struggles of life oppose me vehemently, yet I remain joyful. May the strongest and most deceptive of enemies attack me, yet I remain victorious. Yes, I will rejoice in my victory, because Jesus Christ is alive!

Oh, may we as children of God live our lives in such a way that those who know us may see that our hope is firmly fixed on his resurrection – that they may know that we follow a crucified Savior who could not be overcome by death, but who overcame death with a bang! Oh, to the world my life is to be pitied – not because of my misery, but because of the joy I take in denying myself and dying to myself and the world. He is alive!! He is alive. Oh may this reality lift your weary and downcast soul out of the miry clay – that you know that the Savior lives! May all who see you know that the grave is empty!

“Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.” ~1 Samuel 15:22

Saul – the chosen king of Israel – was rejected by God. We are familiar with the history events, but perhaps not with the context and the crucial lesson that the Spirit calls us to heed from this. Before understanding the magnitude of this rejection, it is important to understand who Saul was. Saul must have been, based on the author’s description of him, the choicest of men amongst Israel. He was taller, more handsome, and more skilled than even the best of them. Though by bloodline and background he was insignificant, by individual giftedness he exemplified much of what many would label today as one who had “tremendous potential to do great service for God in ministry.” Yet, Saul’s story remains one of the most tragic accounts in biblical history. As the first king to be anointed, he was also the first king to be rejected. Ultimately, his disobedience resulted from two moral failures – pride and fear of man. Saul, in his pride, assumed the role of a priest in offering up sacrifices – a role that did not belong to him nor was designated to him. thinking too highly of himself led him to dishonor God and God’s appointed roles. His lack of reverence for the holiness of God paved the way to be indulged in his own status and greatness, as to disobey God. His fear of man led him to spare the Amelkites, when he had been ordered to utterly destroy them. Thinking too highly of himself and too fearfully concerning others led Saul to disobey God. Thus, God did not accept his acts of service, regardless of the effort and diligence with which he performed them. He did not accept Saul’s ministry, because it was not done out of obedience. This could be one of the most crucial lessons to learn for anyone in a position of leadership or aspiring to be in a position of leadership. Oh how easy it is for one’s heart to struggle with love for glory and a fear of man – both of these things could potentially lead to God’s rejection of a ministry that one puts forth, no matter how much effort and diligence and discipline one puts forth. One must always remember that before he is a soldier or an under-shepherd, he is a slave. He is but a creature of the Almighty Creator. Before He asks one to sacrifice and serve, he asks one to obey. Before He asks one to run the race, He calls one to revere and respect. Oh how one must constantly guard his heart from pride, lest he start thinking much of himself and less reverently of God. How dangerous it is for a minister or a leader to be ensnared by his desire for self-glory and his desire for a position before man rather than a worshipful posture before God. It has led so many gifted men astray, and remains one of the most deadly sins creeping upon leaders, pastors, or any Christian for that matter today. Oh how dangerous it is for any leader to be entangled by his fear of people, lest he start living for their pleasure rather than ambitiously seeking to please God. Again, how it has led so many gifted men astray. Ultimately, it is one’s pre-occupation with self that leads to disobedience and being unacceptable in the sight of God. Oh how one must wage war against pride, and put to death diligently and deliberately the desire for self-glory. It exists, but one must fight, and do so tenaciously – never being satisfied with his progress in cultivating Christ-like humility. Oh how one must be utterly resolved to fear God more than man, so as to ambitiously live for His approval alone. Humility and fear of the Lord – are these not what catches the eye of the Holy One? Does not He say, “but to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word?” Remember that God cannot be served by human hands, for He is the absolute Giver and Sustainer of life. But He can be obeyed, and He can be revered. How one must realize that the greatest of men is not the one who performs the most duties, but the one who trembles at the sight of God and obeys His commandments unwaveringly. He does not ask us to be great, for His glory He will not give to another. He does not ask us for help, for He is all-powerful and all-sufficient in Himself. But He does ask us to obey. And obey one must. For remember that the Lord finds greater delight in obedience before sacrifice.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; 16 because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” ~1 Peter 1:14-15

What is God’s will for me? What does God want from me? I frequently find myself asking these questions in the hopes of being able to make decisions concerning my every day life as well as for my future direction. Much of a believer’s life is spent trying to figure out God’s will for them in terms of their externals; questions of the “what” or “where” nature frequently flash through a Christian’s mind. “What does God want me to do?” “Where does God want me to be.” Younger Christians in particular, who have yet to mold into the lives that God fitted for them, constantly pepper their older brothers and sisters with questions relating to their future jobs, ministry opportunities, relationships, and many more. I’d venture to say that, as a young Christian (both in age and spiritual maturity), much of my prayers and thoughts have often been geared towards the realm of the unknown. While there is nothing wrong with this, I realized that much of my mental energy was being poured into issues of lesser priority. Sure, it’s important to pray about what I should do or where I should be in the future. But focusing on those things only makes one confused about what God’s will for them is. As I read more and more of the Scriptures and understand what God truly requires from His people, I realized the priority is not to figure not what, and not where, but who. God’s will, as most clearly understood and pursued by the believer, has to do with who you are before Him. And thus, the priority of the believer is not his relationships nor is it his ministry; it is his holiness. Holiness is the Christian’s priority because holiness is God’s priority. It is His attribute that characterizes who He is in His essence. And it is the attribute that He demands from His people. There are many Christians who cannot do ministry – particularly those who are physically or mentally incapable – who will still see God. There are many Christians who will never marry – they are gifted with celibacy. These precious believers, upon death, will still see God. But no one call call himself a Christian if he does not pursue holiness. God’s priority and demand of holiness in the believer’s life is an inescapable truth from the Scriptures. He was willing to allow for Israel’s oppression and cause her great sadness, for the sake of cultivating in her a holiness before Him. He condemned the Pharisees – the leaders of the synagogue and the most well-versed of them in society – because of their lack of personal piety. He was willing to take away Samson’s strength and David’s first child because of their failure to uphold sexual purity. He was willing to destroy the earth in a flood and everything in it because of the wickedness of man. He was willing to put a curse on the human race and the rest of creation because of one man’s sin. He was willing to put His church under the intense persecution of Nero if that was what would further encourage them to pursue holiness in living. He was willing to strip Job of everything that he had, including personal happiness, for the sake of upholding and affirming his righteousness. He was willing to allow for the flogging and stoning of Paul, so that he would be made mature and complete in His faith. He was willing to give up His own Son – the Holy One Himself as seen in Isaiah’s vision – so that He would produce Himself a holy people of His own possession. The pursuit of holiness is absolutely vital in the Christian’s life, for without it he cannot see God. Does not your heart echo with the song, “Refiner’s fire, my heart’s one desire is to be holy, set apart for you Lord,”? Sanctification is more important than service; holiness is more important than ministry. Did not the Lord Himself command to seek His righteousness first before your needs? Stop asking the question, “where should I live?” and start answering the question, “how should I live?” Stop asking the question “when will God give me a wife?” and start answering the question, “How can I train myself to be a good husband?” One cannot control the events that a day will bring, but he can control his respose to them in his personal character. It is not the people who are in your lives that you can control, but rather the love that you show them. It is not so much the trials that we are called to worry about, but rather the joy we exhibit through them and the peace that results in the midst of them. We cannot determine what temptations the world will bring about, but it is the self-control that we exhibit that we can. Do not fight for specific circumstances; fight for sanctified Christ-likeness. Pursue ministry. Pursue relationships. Pursue leadership. Pursue service. But before all that, pursue holiness.